So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
