Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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