I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize