fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
