Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
