my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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