did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
