he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
