Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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