I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
