I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
