If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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