yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
