I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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