Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
