It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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