i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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