What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
