I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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