Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
