Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
