he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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