As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
