my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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