Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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