see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
