I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
