i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
