idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
