I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
