you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
