I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
