Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
