im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
