I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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