Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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