I bet he comes in French.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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