if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
