didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
