If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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