Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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