the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
