I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
