According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize