yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Enjoy the penises
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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