I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
