Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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