I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
