I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
