So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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