My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
