He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
whose parrot is this?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
