I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
