I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
