shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
