i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
