You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
