Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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