I will die if light touches me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i out mim tonsoeep
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