she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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