Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
