Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's like iHOP with fire
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
