she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
