i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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