i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I would fuck him just for his dog
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