don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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