I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it hurts more in the daytime
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
