I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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