In America we eat man semen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
