3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
