im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
