Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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