So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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