I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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