There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
