this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
