I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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