mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
