It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
