please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
