my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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