You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wear drunk well.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
