I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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