WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
