Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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