it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
