A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
