did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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