1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
