I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
