i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
