I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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