I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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