I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
