i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
