Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
