dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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