please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You ate ashes out of my bong
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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