She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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