Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
