whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
