I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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