Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
