Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
