i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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