well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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