Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize