DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
