omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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