I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
